Hi, it is actually a well- written essay. There are some very minor mistakes in it such as, your second sentence. ıt should have been a passive tense . You should have used" been" there.
In the second paragraph, ınstead of using ın accordance with it is more appropirate to use in accordant to... and last of all, before superlatives you should use the.
Essay Info: Word Count 413 added
4 years ago viewed 1236 times Points: Coherence: 5/5 Vocabulary: 5/5 Grammer: 5/5 Unity: 5/5 Average Point: 5/5